Stephen Colbert on the Emmys, His Wife Hating His Beard & Gifting Jimmy His Captain America Shield

Stephen Colbert on the Emmys, His Wife Hating His Beard & Gifting Jimmy His Captain America Shield

Last night, our first guest capped off a tumultuous year with a shiny new Emmy for a show that was so popular they had to pull it off of television. From Rivendell by way of Gondor by way of Mordor, please welcome to late night television once again, Mr. Steven Colbear, please. WELCOME WELCOME. WELCOME. Look at this.

 See? I mean, that’s where you should be. People still do. People still do. >> Rarely happens right now. Look at that. >> Look at that. >> Like a like a shark in the ocean. This is where you belong in a late night television studio. Hey, I don’t know. Congratulations. Not just to you, but to your whole staff. You guys won six Emmys. >> Seven, actually. Seven.

>> Seven Emmy. Wow. >> Seven Emmy. Yeah. >> I thought six. >> Nope. Seven. But thanks. I’ll just I’ll take one of them away from me. >> Anything to make you happy. Thank you for having me back. >> It’s great to have you. >> Late night TV. >> You um >> I remember it well. >> I have many fond memories of this.

 Do you do you think about it ever? >> Nope. >> I will say >> I have an opportunity to not think about the news every day and I took it. >> You took it. Yeah. You I you know I I when I saw you last night or what was Yeah. Last night I felt like you I don’t know. You just seem like a different person. You seemed happier.

 You seemed healthier. >> Like I don’t like I don’t drink a cup of poison every day. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Exactly. Because part of the job is of, you know, my the old gig as I remember it was that was to be lowered like carbon rods into a radioactive pool every day and then to be pulled out and put in front of a camera and to irradiate it back at the audience at a non-lethal rad level.

>> That’s right. That’s exactly the job description. >> Last night we got to we you know what it was fun because usually the Emmys you’re just sitting in a row, but we got to sit with John Stewart and John Oliver and um three of our four wives. John Stewart’s wife Tracy was not there and we got to talk and people occasionally came over and said things to us.

>> Yeah, that was nice. Yeah. >> And one of those people was a photographer. Do you remember what happened with that photographer? >> The photographer came over and he goes, “Oh, look at all you got. Let’s get the one shot of all you all you hosts together.” So, we got up and got a little circle and the guy said >> and the and the guy said, “Oh, it’s the endangered table.

” And look at our faces there. That’s the reaction we all had to that. >> And if if if you can see, I’m smiling, but I literally said this under my breath. That joke’s not as funny as you think. >> You gave a beautiful acceptance speech. >> Thank you very much. Thank you very much. >> Not just not just the professional part of it.

 Um your wife Evie was at our table. We got to sit with her as you said this. >> Right. There can only be one favorite guest and that is my wife Evie McGee. >> Thank you darling. Thank you for being my only crew and my only guest during co. My only audience and the only audience I really care about. Yours is the laugh that I want for the rest of my life. I love you.

MADE HER CRY. MADE HER CRY. That’s the goal. That’s better than the Emmy. >> Do you have any idea how hard saying something like that makes it on all the rest of us? I mean, if we had won, I was planning to give my wife a high five. I really felt like I had to apologize. I had to look over my wife like, “I’m so sorry.

” >> Anytime you want me to say something nice about Molly, I’m happy to. That would be great. >> We could serge it and I could whisper in your ear something. >> If you could wear a mask or something like that that replicates my face, I think that would be perfect. >> That wouldn’t be creepy at all. >> Did you know that, you know, we you and I kissed? I know you know that.

>> Oh, I remember. I remember. >> But we had a little kiss, right? It >> was a lovely moment >> before you went on stage. >> I high five John Stewart. I hugged John Oliver who said, “This is a travesty.” And then and then I got a beautiful smooch from you. >> Yeah. And yet the cameras missed it. But somebody luckily Tik Tok is ahead of the game.

>> There you go. >> Beard on beard action. >> His head. His head got in the way. >> He couldn’t see the tongue. >> You have to be careful because like Velcro if if they are opposite you can get stuck together. >> It’ll lock in. Oh, I was so excited to win because um Evie hates my beard. She does so much.

 And the the the the kiss count has gone way down. Has it? >> Since I She warned me if you grow a beard, the kiss count’s going to go way down. Smoochy time. Much shorter than that cuz it’s prickly. So I said, “But if I win an Emmy, she has to kiss me cuz the camera will be on us.” >> So I also told her that if I won, I would I would shave it off.

>> Oh, you did? >> Yeah. >> And >> I still got it. >> Would you You want to sh What? >> Can we shave you on the show? I KNOW. IF I CAN get I can get some stuff. Um, hey. Uh, >> get the clippers and whatever. And then, uh, we’ll see. >> All right. That’s fairly scandalous, but all right. >> From the neck up, right? >> Oh, no.

 We’re going to do the all the way down. >> By the by the end of the broadcast, I’m going to be like an eel. Did anyone from CBS call to congratulate you on your on your seven Emmy? >> I am not familiar with that organization. Thank you for asking. >> Yes. >> Did they I asked you this uh right near the end of the show. Did they let you keep your suits in your tuxedo? >> Uh they did.

 At first they were At first they were like no no no. That all goes to like storage. Someone else will wear your suits. They all say Steven Coar inside of them. But um but then we auctioned a bunch of them off. So now they they uh I have some of them. I thought I’d get like, you know, four or five suits. They sent me 40 >> 40 suits >> and they’re just sitting in in a a guest bedroom.

 I don’t know what to do with them. If anyone is like just got out of law school and needs a suit, >> please call Jimmy. He’ll get the message to me. >> I’m glad you have 40 suits because we were at a wedding together. Uh James Baby Doll Dixon’s daughter’s wedding, our mutual manager. >> Beautiful wedding. >> Beautiful wedding.

 You were wearing a beautiful tan suit. >> Yep. >> And we were sitting in a tent. That baby doll spent a lot of money. He said he rented it for like $75,000. Wasn’t >> Yeah. It actually said that on the invitation. >> And yet in no way did it block the wind that was r and the wind. Um and I I run this excuse. Listen. >> The wind blew my red wine all over Steven’s beautiful tan suit.

>> Tan suit. Yeah. And then I was uh trying to help you clean it and we did eventually get and I was especially worried because you told me you were going to wear that where >> to the opening of the Obama library >> in Chicago. I thought it would be a nice joke just for the president to wear a tan suit >> and and I thought, “Oh, Jimmy Kimmel was so jealous of how good of a joke that was that he had to ruin it with a glass of wine and realize how petty you were.

” But it came out. It came out. I actually ended up wearing it. >> You did wear it. >> I ended up wearing it which was fine. The suit was fine and it got a laugh which was nice. That’s all I wanted was for the president to see it. But um great I was on a great row. >> How was it? >> It was me and like on the row I was on it was me and Dave and Conan.

 Me and Letterman and Conan row. It was a power row and lots of great great performances and everything but there were four presidents on stage so you couldn’t move. Like once they came out there you were locked in place. >> Oh. We got there, it was overcast. Sun came out, brilliant sun, absolutely no sunscreen.

 And there’s a certain point at which the sunburn stops hurting and that’s when you know you’re really in trouble cuz it’s just nerve damage everywhere on your face. And I sent along a photo of what I looked like. There I am. That was me at the end of the Obama Library opening. Conan walked over to me and said, “Please tell me you’re just furious.

” And when Conan O’Brien is worried that you got a sunburn, you know, you’re in huge trouble. I had I went I went to lunch afterwards, a lovely lunch. I had lovely lunch with uh uh Tom Hanks and Rita and Bruce Springsteen and Kate Capshaw and Steven Spielberg as you cuz they were all there and Evie and I had lunch with them and I walked in they went Jesus Christ.

Hank said it looked like they had sent me in to change the reactor core at Chernobyl >> and uh it took two weeks took me two weeks to recover from that. >> Well, you look your face looks fine. >> Thank you. >> Yes. >> And we’re going to get you some clippers and maybe we’ll shave it when we come back. Huh? >> What do YOU back here with us tonight? I have not I have not I have not worn a suit in a while.

>> This is nice. It gives you the illusion of a physique. I like it. >> You’ve been working and living in New Zealand. >> I have. Yeah. Yeah. I’m I’m writing a new Lord of the Rings movie, which was something that I was >> I’m the luckiest guy in the world. It was something that I that I started working on two years ago, long before we got cancelled, and I really didn’t think I’d have time to work on it.

 I feel like I’m playing the world’s best game of Go Fish. >> Yeah, absolutely. The timing is beautiful. And even more beautiful, you’re working, you’re writing it with your son, >> right? I’m writing with my son, Peter McGee, and Philip Abboy, who wrote the movies with Peter Jackson. >> The three you’re writing together.

 What is that like writing with your son? Like, do you are there are there arguments? Who wins? Do you send him to his room if you don’t like >> No. No. He understands screenwriting better than I do. Okay. I’m there just because I’m incredibly obsessive about the Lord of the Rings. >> Who knows more about the Lord of the Rings? >> Well, I thought I knew more about the Lord of the Rings.

 And then I found out, you know, that, you know, as as Sonheim wrote, children will listen. It turns out, I asked him, actually, just would you help me research this? This is how it started off. And and he goes, “No, I don’t want to work for you.” And I said, “I understand that, but I really need somebody, and I can’t tell anybody I’m working on this because I got a gig.

Would you please do that?” And it turns out he knew more about the Lord of the Rings than I did. Wow. Wow. He had read all the deep lore and everything like that. And he and Philip are talking in like this twin language right now. And I’m like, “Guys, there are other books. This is like your dream come true, isn’t it?” >> Fantastic.

 What could be better? >> Yeah. And And like how far can you go when you’re writing when you’re adapting something like this? Can you like if you wanted to have like um uh Gandalf throwing a Frisbee, could you could that would that be allowed? I I might have if if those of us who are just joining us before the break, I I said that I I had lunch with Steven Spielberg recently.

Yeah. >> And Spielberg says to me, “All right, tell me everything about the Lord of the Rings film. Tell me everything.” And you sign all kinds of NDAs before you’re allowed anywhere near one of these sets. And he knows that, >> right? >> And you know, there are lawyers and I don’t know, you know, I’m new, I’m new to all of this.

 And so I was super nervous. So I just said, “Okay, so here’s what happens. Froto teams up with a timetraveling dinosaur. And he goes, “You can tell me. I’m Steven Spielberg. I know Peter Jackson.” And I was terrified to. I was afraid I would get in trouble. So I didn’t tell him anything. And then later I told our writing partner, Philip Aboy, and she goes, “You idiot.

 He might have had a good idea. He’s Steven Spielberg.” >> Yeah. Well, you did the right thing. Did I >> Listen, you know, >> Stephen, if you’re watching, I’m ready to take your call. >> Listen, you got fired from one job this year. You don’t need two. No. >> You know, >> I don’t I don’t I recommend it, though. It’s very so much free time.

>> New Zealand was great. >> The loveliest country. You can throw a dart anywhere on the map. It’s so beautiful that you say like, I should just live here and be a man because it’s very wild. It’s very, very beautiful. And the people make everyone else in the world seem like jerks. They’re incredibly nice. >> Did you go all over the place? Did you drive around and see everything? >> I went to a studio and I sat down and I typed.

>> You did? Really? >> Yeah. I didn’t do anything. >> No. No exploration, right? >> No exploration. Evie Evie and uh the kids did. They came down. Evie and my son John came down for just just a week in the middle. And I I’m in I am now uh I’m now criminal in New Zealand. I got pulled over at 9:00 am picking them up from the airport.

 I haven’t been pulled over since I was in high school. >> Really? >> And the the Kiwi cops are the nicest people in the world. It doesn’t mean I’m sure they’re very effective, but uh this Kiwi cop pulled me over and I never got his name and I got the ticket and I paid the ticket and they they don’t put his name on it, but we just call him officer speedwork now.

 And my son could would you be okay if I told help get my son’s help to tell the story? >> Yeah, sure. Bring him out. >> So my he’s No, he’s not here. I actually I asked for my phone to be out here for this part of the story. Oh, okay. >> My son is in New York. He’s he’s in a car. I think Hope he’s pulled over by the side of the road.

>> Is your son John? >> This is my youngest son, John. He was with us in the car when I got pulled over. and um I just can’t impress upon you how nice they are while they also give you a ticket at the same time. He just pulled over and said, “We’re doing a bit of speed work today.” And I didn’t know what that meant.

 And I thought that he was just pulling me over because there was construction or something like that. And this is bas basically how the this is basically how the call went. >> Okay. >> Being pulled over. >> See that? You’re a pro. You know how to mic the phone and everything. It’s incredible. >> Uh what what seems to be the problem, officer? Hey there.

So, we’re uh we’re doing a little bit of speed work here. >> What? I’m sorry. We’re doing what? We’re doing what? >> Speed work. >> What? What is What is What is speed work, officer? >> Well, we’re uh we’re working on the speed. >> Is there Is there some problem? Did I I didn’t Was I speeding? I didn’t I wasn’t aware.

>> Well, I’m so glad you asked. Uh, so as part of this speed work we’re doing, we’re trying to keep the speed of these cars down to about 30 kilometers an hour, >> you were doing about 45 American. Is that a lot? I don’t >> Well, it’s more than 30, isn’t it? Hey, >> do you need to see some ID or anything like that? >> You’re one step ahead of me, aren’t you? You clever cookie.

 I would love to see your ID. >> Well, here here you go, officer. All right. Just going to have a quick look. See? See if you’re in our system. All right. Oh, look at this. You’re not in the system. You’re a bloody ghost. >> WOW. >> I’m sorry. I’m a what? >> You’re a ghost. A spectre ghost. >> Am I free to go? >> Well, not just yet, you eager beaver.

So, first of all, I would love to ask you a couple of questions. Have you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours? >> 24 hours? >> That’s right. >> I No. >> Okay. Well, let’s find out because I would love to have you give a little blowy into this little device I’ve got right here. >> I’m sorry.

 Give a what? >> A bloody cheeky blowy. You want me to give you a little cheeky blowy? Okay. >> Real quick, if you don’t mind. >> Uh, sure. I imagine I did that. >> Okay. Beep beep. You’re all good. All right. So, you check out just fine. Uh, no big deal. Uh, it’s going to be a ticket of about $80 and 20 demerit points on your license.

 How’s it? I’m >> sorry. 20 do 20 20 demerit points. What’s a demerit point? Well, you know what the weird word merit means. >> Yeah, I know what the word merit means. >> Okay, so you’ve got 20 less of them now. >> Thank you, officer. >> Well done, JOHN. >> I’m going to credit him as uh what’s his name? What’s the character’s name again? >> His name is Officer Speedwork.

>> Officer Speedwork. Hey, speaking of Speedwork, you want to shave that uh that beard he What do you think? Can I say something? I’m not now that I’m really looking at you. It’s like this is like what they do with the sheep in New Zealand, huh? I’m not sure that is a beard. That might be a goatee.

 Why don’t we take a break and um Steven will continue to shave when we’ll be right back with a freshly shaven Steven. That is now I recognize you. He’s going to be very, very happy. You can finally get kissed again. Time for smoochies. You know what I’m going to do? I am going to save your beard hair and I’m going to start a collection of late night beard hair.

Maybe I’ll ask Dave Letterman to give us some of his. He’s got plenty. And >> you can use that in the future to clone a whole new race of late night host. >> Yeah. >> Yes. Exactly. who have nothing to do. >> They’ll all still be white. >> You’re the late show set. This is very interesting.

 Is going to the Museum of Broadcast Communications in Chicago. >> Yeah. Which is where I started my career was Chicago. So, >> it’s a great feeling. >> Yeah. Maybe I’ll send him a little bit of your hair. >> Please do. >> One thing that is not going to Chicago that was part of your set is something a very special gift you sent me and it meant a lot to me.

 Thank you for sending this to me. I want to glad you liked it. You want to talk about her for a second before I reveal what it is? >> I think in 200 it was 2006 or 2007 when I was doing the show called the Colbear. >> Um, you know, it was a super patriot super patriot character and um it was the Marvel comics had the Civil War series of the comic books, the physical comic books and in those Steve Rogers Captain America gets assassinated.

>> Spoiler. And and I got a letter from Joe Casada, who we both know, who was was head of Marvel at the time, Marvel Comics, and he said, “Listen, we open Cap’s will.” >> And we read Steve Rogers will. And in the will, it says that he believed the only person patriotic enough to wield the solid vibranium shield was Steven Colbear.

 So they had a shield that had been hanging on the wall at Marvel, a Captain America shield had been hanging since 1960 on the wall. And they sent it to me, and that hung on my set for the next 20 years. >> Yeah. And so when my set when we were taking apart the set, I knew exactly where I wanted to send the shield. So I wrote you a letter and and I sent you the shield because I think >> here is the shield.

>> My prized possession now. And if you don’t would you would you mind if I install this permanently on my set? >> It’s your shield, man. >> All right, let’s do it. Here we go. I have just the place for it. Because Stephen, I want to be able to see it when I’m doing the monologue every night.

 And so I’m going to put it right there for all time or at least however much time we have left. Captain America, Steven Cob Bear Shield. Thank you so much. >> Thank you, Steven Cobear. Everybody, we’ll be right back with medium bill.